- drink more red wine! resveratrol makes it ok to consume high calorie and fat diets. people will now not only be obese but drunkards!
- reduce your calorie intake by 30%. it’ll help you live longer. emaciated raisin seniors will over populate!
but a caveat to these recommendations - these studies were conducted on mice and rhesus monkeys, respectively. but hey, mice, monkeys, debaucherous gluttons, and toothpick runway models...what’s the difference anyway?
